2/06/2013 12:31:00 pm

Be afraid. Be very afraid: The Steven Gerrard kiss of death strikes again...

If there's one thing that's guaranteed about Steven Gerrard it is this: if he makes a prediction about the club, or another player, invariably, the opposite will end up happening. After a long history of getting it wrong, I was praying that Gerrard had finally given up making ludicrous predictions about the club's future, but, alas, with Liverpool finally playing consistently well under Brendan Rodgers, the captain has cursed the club once again. We almost made it!

In an interview on Monday, Gerrard condemned Liverpool to another season outside the Champions League when he made the following prediction:

"No disrespect to the sides we've got coming up but if we keep playing like that then we can certainly put in a challenge for fourth place. If we perform like that we will pick up a lot of points between now and the end of the season".

In the words of Private Hudson: "It's game over, man. Game over!".



You may think I'm exaggerating here, but just look at some of Gerrard's past predictions:

Aug 2006: "We ended last season with 11 wins on the trot, eight in the league and that is title-winning form. I must admit I'm excited about what next season could bring for us because I know we have a team of very good players here who can challenge for the Premiership".

What actually happened? LFC finished 3rd, 21 points behind Man United

August 2007: "I honestly believe in my heart of hearts that this team will win the Premier League. I believe we're too good not to win it"

What actually happened? Another five years of Premier League failure.

May 2009: "This time I’m going to use the experience to drive me on and try to win the title over the next few years. We certainly have the ability".

What actually happened? Three years of abject performance in the league.

June 2009: "I think next year could be our year. I’m really confident about that"

What actually happened? Liverpool finished 7th, 23 points behind Man United.

August 2009: "You have to go into every new season prepared to do all you can to make it happen and I genuinely believe we can do it"

What actually happened? Horrific league season for LFC that culminated in Rafa Benitez getting sacked.

Aug 2010: "We must forget about the horror of what happened last season and get this club back to where it belongs, which is the Champions League"

What actually happened? Liverpool finished 6th, 22 points behind man United.

Aug 2010: "[Lionel] Messi can do some amazing things, but anything he can do Joe can do as well, if not better. He used to shock us in training by doing footy tricks with a golf ball that most players can't even do with a football".

What actually happened? Cole's alleged Messi-like ability was mysteriously absent on the field.

Aug 2010: "I really fancy Joe for the [player of the year] award this season".

What actually happened? Cole completely flopped and was sent out on loan.

Jan 2012: "We’re six points off fourth and there are 16 games left. You’re not telling me that this team and the players we’ve got here are not capable of making that up?"

What actually happened? Liverpool finished 8th, 17 points off 4th place (!).

May 2012: "For me, the favourites for Euro 2012 will be France, who beat us recently"

What actually happened? France flopped and went out early.

Arsenal midfielder Jack Wilshere should also watch out. Yesterday, Gerrard came out with some trademark hyperbole about him:

"I think he’s got the potential to become one of the best in the world. I don’t want to add any pressure. That’s unfair. But playing against him recently and in training, he’s a one-off. He's a lot better than your normal Premier League midfielder. I have a lot of confidence in him."

Wilshere will probably get another long-term injury now and/or disappear into obscurity.

Gerrard is a superb footballer but he needs to stop making predictions. Rafa Benitez, Roy Hodgson and Kenny Dalglish were all defeated by the Gerard Kiss of Death; Let's hope that Brendan Rodgers and Jack Wilshere don't become the Skipper's latest victims ;-)

;-) <--- For those who will inevitably take this as a serious attack on Gerrard: this signifies that the post is supposed to be lighthearted.

Jaimie Kanwar






33 Comments :

Stephen Chapman said...

Yeah he should day 'we have no chance, lets not even bother' ;p

Gareth Owen said...

;-) Yeah shut up Gerrard.

red33 said...

Sew up his mouth,his prediction is *%^#  awful.

lfcrednick2 said...

.......... wow not going and say anything

OriginalChan said...

I was going to say he does his jinxes before the season starts but forgot about last January's jinx. Just when things were on the up :( Pffft ;)

anteater said...

The reason for us not withnessing Cole's Messi-like ability on a football pitch is probably that the game is not played with a golf-ball.

What to do about Gerrard and his bold predictions then? Drop him, then sell him (as light-hearted as your article).

Jason Carr said...

stevie can say what he wants hes earned the right,its not his fault that his teamates and managers,and owners have let him down

Jaimie K said...

Yes. Selling him would seem to be the only sensible option at this point ;-)

OriginalChan said...

I wish you hadn't put the bracket bit in, would have been nice to see how many people would bite! ;)

Pillow said...

What he should start doing is making more predictions about other teams - like France. "Spurs, Arsenal and Everton are the only teams capapble of finishing 4th", combined with a gushing list of compliments about their best players. "Cazorla can do things with a pea that most players can't do with a football, or, I honestly think Bale is faster than The Flash".

Forceuk said...

Oh dear, let's not make any jokes about Gerrard. I'm not sure that's allowed is it? ;0

Growler is God said...

Can he not predict that manure will win everything for the next 20 years then?

L4red said...

I dont know about stevies kiss of death, i still love the smacker he gave the camera at the theatre of screams, legend!! Often imitated, never bettered :)

Jason Carr said...

jaimie what the f"ck if its not suarez its gerrard can you not find some one else to pick on ;-) ;-) ;-)

Anthony said...

i find this shyte very funny but why can't he predict that manure will win the league by 15 points this season n lets see what will happen but any comment made by stevie concerning manure league success won't go down well with us reds supporters even if i was meant to curse them for life. 

anteater said...

Uh, I could do without tons of insults hurled my way, hence the bracket bit :-)

anteater said...

That goes without saying :-)

anteater said...

That camera is dead now.

Hoq said...

There's such a losers mentality at Liverlool these days it can make a liar of the best of us. They seem to be able to grasp defeat from the jaws of victory for fun. Maybe a couple of changes at the back will bring a change of luck.

Truth said...

Why don't he say he won't be able to win the premier league title with Liverpool? I hope he say that just one season before he retired.

Billyparkes2009 said...

Another pointless article.  I really think if you were not able to quote people and use statistics you would be in trouble!

DaveWestAus said...

He could likely be more criticl of everything.Then everyone could love him more?

Condemned40 said...

Very funny and well researched. Poor Gerrard, like some of the other comments said if only he spent more time making predictions about our rivals things might be going better for us. 

rubyrm said...

Karma?? I don't believe in that Bull. Jamie you are capable of better than this. Disappointing post. 
I would say what was meant  by SG is positive thinking to spur the idiots in the team.
Superstition is the word. And like it was said in a song. "I can't go for that. no can do"

VermHat said...

This is a ridiculous character assassination and you've stooped pretty low to suggest he has a weird squinty eye with that symbol at the end.

;-)

gilstrap said...

 im nominating you

Jason Carr said...

lol,will not matter to me i,am think skinned,some people mite nominate you,but i don,t think you will be to bothered either;-)

Jason Carr said...

m8 he probabley knows it but he will give 100% to the end,if anyone deserves it surely it must be him

Mark Whitelaw said...

I think it could possibly be my fault.  

I turned 18 in 1990 and have been putting money on Liverpool winning the league every year since. I think I'll stop now.

Kieren said...

That doesn't mean he stops talking about us though!

islesfan74 said...

Perhaps he should starting predicting that we'll get relegated... :)

nick1811 said...

The whole club should stop f**king talking too much. It just brings about all these false dawns and extra pressure. I can't look at the LFC site without cringing from players kissing eachother's asses and verbalising aspirations for top 4 and whatever. If the players just quietly went about with their business, fans would be less disappointed, as the team wouldn't be serial let-down merchants knocking us down after getting our hopes up and enthusiasm into full swing.

VermHat said...

...or maybe it is time to double down!?

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