8 Dec 2009

STEVEN GERRARD hires ROY KEANE to protect his home

After searching far and wide for a guard dog ferocious enough to protect his home, Steven Gerrard finally offered the job to ex-Manchester United captain Roy Keane, who jumped at the chance to get out of his Ipswich Town misery and return to his wild ways.

Gerrard said:

"Erm, Keano is the toughest player I've ever faced in the Premiership. In our 3-1 win at Anfield a few years ago, he actually took a bite outta me leg. So, you know, straight away I thought of him for the job, like.

"Erm, he wasn't enjoying it at Ipswich, having to be nice to the press and everything. I think he was glad to get out of it to be honest. This is a job he can really sink his teeth into, and he'll be free to do what he does best, which is take chunks out of people. This time though, he won't get a red card for doing it".

Keane's former boss, Sir Alex Ferguson, was supportive of Keane's decision:

"Och, it's the best thing for the boy. Ye cannae deny he's got all the attributes for the job. Roy's too wild for management; he really needs a job where he can truly express his natural animal instincts. I think he'll do well".

Original picture courtesy of 'The Mirror'

Jaimie Kanwar


  1. Haha. Classic stuff :)

  2. Haha, what he really needed to protect his home was the green Orge called Shrek:


  3. Thats is so funny LOL!! Although I think Roy Keane and Wayme Rooney might just make the perfect pairing to guard Gerrards house. Rooney makes the runs to look out for any trouble and Keane holds groumd defending the base

  4. I think you've failed to mention the real reason why Keano got the job. Gerrard is just desperate to see what a Premier League winners medal looks like. Roy has 7 of them so I'm sure he won't mind Gerrard looking after them for him... apart from when Liverpool are playing away.

    Keano, there's only one Keano!

  5. hahahahaha the security company look like a bunch of wankers

  6. Keano to be the new Liverpool Manager, when Rafa Leaves!

    He hates your club so much that he would risk his last chance to be a PL manager to get you relegated, I would love that scenario!

  7. its good to have a laugh at keanes expense he would not know a hard man if he walked up and punched him in a southport bar

  8. bit sad that theres more mancs on this than reds sad 4 dem that is manc scum

  9. u dirty hillbillie muppets

    still living in the past


    gerrard=bindippin loser

  10. Dat's funny, Jamie. I especially like the "Erm"s.