I'm so relieved Carroll only cost £4m and not £35m, which was arguably overpriced. Carroll has been playing like a £4m striker anyway so the club is actually getting superb value for money.
And everyone saying that Jordan Henderson cost too much - how can that be when he only cost £4m?
In reality, Luis Suarez and Carroll were actually even *cheaper* than £4m. In January 2011, Fernando Torres and Ryan Babel were sold for approximately £56m. Liverpool paid a combined £57.5m for his replacements, which means that Carroll and Suarez cost only £1.5m combined, or a staggering £750k each in reality.
That surely has to be the greatest piece of transfer business in the history of football? Liverpool FC clearly has some genius transfer fee negotiators on its staff, adept at utilising the Jedi mind trick to fool sellers into lowering their prices.
One thing is for sure - with this kind of budget transfer spending, Liverpool will not be affected by UEFA's imminent financial fair play rules.
All this time I've been thinking that players cost the actual amount of money paid for them, but clearly I was totally wrong.
I've now seen the error of my ways.
Net-Spend Cult? Sign me up!